The season is full of hope and promise – this will be the golfing year to end all golfing years. Top 5 tips for playing awful golf year round. Listen up closely, as these tips will help you duff the ball around consistently over par every time!

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You can really make that off-season fitness regime count. You will now have the strength to break all 14 clubs when you need to.

Tip 1 – Make your practice nothing like the game itself

What better way to waste your time and give your friends the illusion that you are improving your game than to practice in a way which is totally the opposite to the game of golf itself.

Instead of hitting different shots to different targets and using a routine each time, why not try standing in the same spot and hitting your favourite club over and over to the same flag? This is a fire way to make your buddies think you are doing great!

Our playing partners will see us flush it on the range, and so will be less inclined to play us for money, allowing us the freedom to duff it around the course and not worry about the bar bill afterwards.

Tip summary – Practice out of context and make your practice nothing like the game of golf itself

Tip 2 – Think about everything at the same time

Try to think about a minimum of 5 different swing thoughts as you are making that swing in one second of time. To make sure you can add more thoughts, chunk them into different areas, such as

• Set up thoughts
• Backswing thoughts
• Downswing thoughts
• Thoughts which don’t relate to golf at all, like the people watching or what you are going to have for dinner tonight.

Science shows us that by ‘chunking’ into different categories, we are able to think of more information. This should really clutter your mind to no end and ensure that your handicap is safe from any cuts. Extra help might bring changing those thoughts every shot. Rather than stick to one consistent thought throughout the entire round, switch between multiple different and opposing swing thoughts.

Tip summary – think lots of different things at once, and change those thoughts periodically to maximize failure rate.

Tip 3 – Have Unrealistic Expectations

You are a perfectionist by nature, so let’s ramp that up. Forget the fact the average pro hits only 60% fairways and that they only hole 39% of 10 foot putts. You deserve more.

Try to hit 100% fairways and 110% greens in regulation. And if you don’t make every 20 foot putt you set your eyes on, make sure you will get angry and frustrated. These emotions will send the message to your playing partners that you normally do hole every 20 foot putt.

Also, when attacking the flag, forget that there is water there. Positive psychology tells us to think only of the good outcomes, so fire away at that pin. You may make the water and cost yourself 2 shots each time, but the occasional birdie once in a blue moon can be talked about for weeks – so it’s really win-win.

Tip summary – use positive psychology. Expect nothing less than perfection, don’t allow yourself to ever hit a bad shot, and build your strategy based only on your best ever golf shots.

Tip 4 – Always prioritize the looks

Forget the fact you’re hitting everything 3 inches from the heel of the club – instead, try and perfect the look of your backswing. Make sure it stays perfectly on plane, you turn your shoulders exactly 90 degrees, get your club exactly parallel to the ground at the top, and keep that right arm tucked in during the downswing. That way, you will look like a pro as you are shanking the ball.

That’s what matters, right?

Tip summary – prioritize your style and keep all thoughts internal (left arm, shoulders etc).

Tip 5 – Change your Routine

Inconsistent routine is a way to go. Are you playing through another group?

• Rush the routine
• Take less practice swings
• Try to be more aware of what the group thinks about you.

Or, is this an important shot? Make it look important! Take longer over the ball, make an extra practice swing and concentrate really hard. he extra time over the ball will also allow you to think more and send you straight to using the pre-frontal cortex of the brain. This should allow you to bypass subconscious control mechanisms and guarantee inconsistent play.

Tip summary – Make your routine inconsistent at all times.

Summary

So now you know the secrets to poor play, you are free from the perils that low handicappers suffer. Golf is tough, so these tips should make it even tougher. After all, we golfers are known for self flagellation – remember, Golf backwards spells Flog.

(picture source here, here, here, here and here)